Monday, April 27, 2009

The Fightless Club

38 mpg! (Your actual mileage may vary.) Lifetime warranty! Money-back guarantee! An argument-free marriage!

Those are just a few of life's famous misconceptions. The problem is that Cathy and I said our vows actually believing the last one.

You see, we both grew up in healthy homes where our parents loved each other, loved their kids and loved God. Cathy may have heard her parents argue once. I never heard even that. Consequently, we entered marriage with the faulty belief that we we could have a life together without arguments.

Some of you are laughing at our naiveté. "Surely," you think, "you didn't really believe such a thing!"

Surely we did! We were so certain of our commitment that we quietly scoffed at the pastor (age of our parents) for whom Cathy worked during the summer of our wedding. He kept warning her that marriage isn't always easy. "Too bad he has a conflict-ridden marriage," we thought. "Because we won't."

That lasted a couple of months. Then, wham!

After that argument, Cathy gave me a rock to indicate the strength of our relationship. She wrote me a letter telling her side of a commitment that it would never happen again.

But it did.

And it kept happening. We're coming up on 37 years and still have conflict sometimes.

I'm sure glad we were taught about forgiveness.

What misconceptions did you have when you got married?


Rachel Cotterill said...

Well, you already saw what I wrote about this.

Also, not so much a misconception, but I've found that since I got married I've got quite irritated with the fact that all references to marriage in popular culture seem to be negative: all about losing your freedom, or being nagged, or hating your in-laws. It makes me sad that some people may believe marriage is actually about those things.

Sam said...

I completely agree with you, Rachel. I wonder if it's because so much of the culture I'm familiar with is "me focused." People want a marriage to meet all their own needs and then get upset when their spouse doesn't perfectly fulfill their wish. Thanks.

C. Beth said...

Well, at least popular culture follows through and lets us know what the cause of all marital problems is. Clearly it's that men are weak and stupid.

At least that's what I've gathered from TV commercials, etc.

Liz said...

Prior to having kids, we really only had one fight. It was money related... debt related, actually. And we worked through it and came out stronger for it.

Having kids definitely brings up more issues to disagree on. We don't really have big arguments. We sometimes disagree but usually find resolution, middle ground, pretty easily. We are both pretty laid back types so most of the time, one or the other of us is willing to give in to the other person.

That giving in is a sign of love in my book. Choosing to love means choosing to sacrifice my own agenda or wants sometimes.