Friday, May 1, 2009

Complementing Your Spouse

"If you agree with each other all the time, one of you isn't necessary." I don't remember where I heard that sage advice, but it just might set you free in your marriage.

Someone commented this week about their "middle ground" on decisions. Bravo! Cathy and I discovered early on that we needed to reach agreement on all major choices regarding our marriage and our family.

I can't tell you how many times I felt frustrated when she didn't feel good about a certain decision. I also can't remember all the times her hesitance saved us from disaster.

On the other hand, we have needed to move forward on something occasionally and my awareness of it helped Cathy see it.

You see, we need each other.

We complete each other.

We rescue each other.

And we often drive each other crazy!

How about you?


addhumorandfaith said...

Amen! Your description of marriage is very similar to ours. Works for us too! :)

daniella said...

Uhm...we're still learning. We've been doing this for only a little over four years. Compromise is not the problem, we just have a hard time saying "NO" or sticking to it when one of us wants something really bad. But that has backfired so we've been getting better.

C. Beth said...

You know when this becomes even more difficult? When you have kids and disagree on some point of parenting. Because it needs to be discussed but it can be hard to keep yourself from discussing it in front of the child. Yet I know showing a "united front" is the best thing! Hmm, this gets me thinking more about how I handle those situations. Thanks!

Liz said...

I agree, Beth. That's been a challenge for us, too. But sometimes in the opposite direction. I'm really invested in being the best parent I can be and I want to be as educated as possible on the subject. Jeff doesn't read any of the books I read and tries to mimic what I do... which kind of works and sometimes really doesn't work at all. At first, we would end up having discussions about it. Me frustrated with him just copying and thinkin ghe knew what he was doing. Him frustrated because he felt like I was nagging.

Eventually, I started making a point of telling him what I as reading so he would understand what I was doing when he heard me use specific phrases and stuff. Having my blog has helped tremendously, too, because he reads my thoughts and struggles in a way that he doesn't hear, or I don't express, verbally.

I count my blessings all the time that he and I are both willing to meet each other where we need to be, find our middle ground, support each other. Some days it is hard. Some days I have to really force myself to choose to let things go. But it's worth it in the long run.

Isabella said...

Same is true in our household. We have become very good at not only communicating how we feel on important issues, but understanding the other person's viewpoint.

I'm not trying to make us sound perfect by any means. Because we typically know why the other person feels the way they do about an issue, we know the perfect "ammo" for trying to sway the other person. Doesn't always work though...we are both pretty stubborn. :)